I no longer believe in God, but sometimes I miss it.
I do not know for other atheist, but for me walking away from God and religious believes after years of dedication did not result in a sigh of relief or a freedom party. Walking away from God and anything religion was a sad, depressing and lonely day.
I never felt so alone and people take turns guessing why I walked away from God and ninety-nine percent of the time they are right. It was disappointment and realization that believing in God is like believing in Santa Claus.
This happened when years of disappointment caught up with logic and reason forming a new perception of my reality.
I cannot undo knowing if I jump up I cannot fly, same way I cannot undo knowing there is no God. I came to understand that your religious believe is almost one hundred percent based on your geographical location.
Someone once asked me, “if anyone proves God exist, will you believe?”
I replied, “Yes.”
The person was shocked and said, “that means deep inside you have not stopped believing in him.”
To that I replied, “I have stopped, but if there is proof I will not fight against it because I’m not stupid!”
At present, I do not think on God because I have accepted my present perception or awareness of him not existing and the anger of being a fool for so long makes me want to pass the knowledge across.
Then there are the days when I’m talking to someone and the bible comes up and we get talking back and forth if God exist or not. I look at the person and I see this cuteness in what I believe is their ignorance, what I see is a child telling me how Santa will bring presents this Christmas and how the lovely fairies will come party in their room.
The same way when a child talks and I’m amazed by their innocence making me wish I was a child again is how I feel when someone goes on talking about the utopia in God. I look at them with a kind eye with a smile remembering the days I too used to believe in Santa and fairies.
picture by Jaymantri from pexels.com
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